I went Wednesday morning. One could judge from the poor commencement above that my thoughts were not with my occupation—I don’t know, I don’t care, I don’t feel any how, every how, but I must not go at this rate—what have I been about—sad I don’t know, and now care less—O! Me there goes the dinner bell, and I am not half done packing, and have a good deal to do—have just finished a poor letter to Mammy—I want to write one to-night if I can find time, I must take time of it is only for a few lines—It has turned so much cooler—it is a charming day, would my feelings were such, that I could enjoy it, and oh! How long it may be I cannot say—I must try and turn my thoughts to the past—Tuesday morning received no letter oh! How it made me feel—After breakfast, I rode up to the school, intending to go out a little way in the country to see about having some work done, and I thought the ride might make me feel better, for I felt far from well—when I reached the school however I was informed by one of Mr Guions men, that Cousin John and Cousin, were at Mr Guions Hotel—I went straight down, found Coz, just starting out here, she was at Judge Badgers, talking to Sallie & Annie—I got in the carriage with her, and rode out here with her, sent the archway for Mother, as she was at Cousin Martha Haywoods, I was so glad to see them—and so glad they had not gone South—the cars, owing to some arrangement about the trucks, did not get in ‘til 12 o’clock—In the morning Messrs Saunders and Stevenson called to say good bye—they expected to leave this morning—Chapel Hill, commences again Thursday, (to-morrow night.) I am sorry I will not see Mr Nicholson as he passes through; Cousin John came up to dinner, and left about 4. Cousin took supper with us, after which Mother Brother, and I rode down to Aunt Haywoods with her, we then started to the office—Oh! How I did hope I would receive a letter, but alas! The same reply of “no letter for you”—just as we got near Messrs Tuckers store, Cousin John called to us to stop, he had hired from Florida, asked us to go in Mr Tuckers store and let him read them to us, and tell him whether to show them to Cousin or not—we concluded it was best to let her know all—the letters said he was entirely out of his head some days, at others not so much so—he is not out of danger or at least, the last we heard the 5th. he was better not out of danger—how I hope he may be spared, and may had a new life—it is caused by going in the sun, so much, and drinking I expect—He expected if able to travel, to start for the North last Monday—we went to the Hotel, Cousin John went after Coz, Sallie B came with her—Coz, poor child, how much I feel for her—she sobbed & cried so, I was fearful it would make her sick—but after receiving the last dispatch she was more quiet—they left for Shocco this morning—I hurt my finger, and It is as much as I can do to write, and I am so sleepy too—slept badly last night, don’t know when I have had such a head ache as I did yesterday, and last night—It seems as if Cousins & Cousin John’s visit is a dream, I cannot realize I have seen them—I am so sleepy but have not time to take a nap, wish I did, think it would make me feel better—excitement brought on my head-ache, and I fear very much I will have it to-night, and to-morrow, but hope not—Mollie Badger is expected to-night I would like to see her before I leave, but will not be able—she made quite a visit—I would like so much to see Annie Grimes before I go but don’t think I shall—last night after I came home, sat up, and got a good many of my things together, ready for packing to-day—As Grandmama and I expect to leave for Shocco—in the morning, the cars start now at ½ 6 o’clock. I am sorry for it always makes me feel so bad to rise early as that—I have not slept at all well of late either—I don’t know how long we will stay at Shocco, it is not certain, may stay a month, or longer, or may come home in a week or two weeks—can’t say it depends on Coz & Uncle Noah—I hope I may receive a letter to-night, I almost fear to look or hope so often have I been disappointed—I expect to take a little ride this evening, hope it will make me feel better—I had looked forward to my trip to Shocco with much pleasure, but things have changed—and if I enjoy my visit, it will be in a quiet way. I hope however, things may wear a brighter aspect—and we may all be soon, well and happy—I must stop for I have concluded, it will be best to commence my letter now—at any rate and finish after tea, for it will be such a hurry, and confusion after supper—Goodbye journal—in how many things am I changed since the first leaf was filled with my thoughts words, saying, and actions—and how little, how very little did I expect then, that when this book was filled, and closed—I would have been changes in one respect—I thank God, for his mercy, and loving kindness unto me. That more lines are not blotted with tears—more light than darkness fill up the fine pages—O! May the one I am soon to commence find me—for better at its close—as far and free from darkness than this—Good bye—Good bye—